Elevator Pitch

Finally the review of the services presentation got over. As he had to catch a flight, my boss asked me to walk with him to the door so that he can get some final clarifications. Walking briskly, I continued to give the highlights of the sales plan. He asked “How about the elevator pitch?”

Old age is catching up; I thought and continued to share my highlights a bit loudly.

“Not elevated pitch, Ram”. He calmed me down. “I meant elevator pitch”.

What the heck is this elevator pitch?

I went back to my desk and did research (Oh! By the way, be a little wary of this phrase “I did my research”. It actually means that the key words are googled, the first two urls are opened and the conclusion is based on the information from those two urls)

“An elevator pitch is a short and concise sales pitch for a product, service, or project. The pitch is so called because it can be delivered to the prospect during the time span in an elevator ride.”

Really!! Can you sell anything in an elevator? Duh?

Whenever you enter the elevator, people inside give you such a disgusted look for causing a midway halt of their journey, giving you a feeling that they have purchased premium tickets for the elevator ride while you have entered with a free pass.

Can you sell anything to them?

As you enter, they tend to close their eyes and enter into meditation just to avoid any possible eye contact. Their pensive mood indicates long distance travel into space. Some even gaze up to top right or left corner of the elevator as if world cup final or superbowl is telecast in that corner.

Do they really buy anything from you? Not even packaged peanuts!!

I really wonder who coined this name “Elevator Pitch”. Were they on something? It is high time some serious analysts in Wharton, Harward and Tuck school analyze the effectiveness of selling in an elevator.

Assume that some prospect want to listen to your elevator pitch. By the time you remove your laptop, start Windows and get to the power point slide, the elevator would have completed its tenth trip. Your prospect would have already started the first meeting in her office.
Imagine the awkwardness of holding the laptop in your left hand with the laptop bag tucked between your legs and right hand pointing at critical bullets of your elevator pitch. Yeah right! Your prospect is all ears to listen and buy your goods and services!!

What if the elevator is an express elevator as like the one in the Empire State Building? By the time you open your mouth to start the pitch; you hear the elevator bell ring and see your prospect walk out of the elevator while your mouth is still open!
Imagine the plight of fellow travelers in the elevator. I am sure a couple of law suits will be on your way for mental torture during stressful time of the elevator ride.

I just can’t understand why our sales and marketing guys are so fond of elevator pitch. C’mon guys, wake up. The least your prospect want in an elevator is your sales pitch.

Let us take a look at your prospect’s probable thoughts in the elevator.

• His goof up in the last meeting and strategy to cover up
• List of do’s and don’ts during his next visit to his shrink
• The list of next set of employees eligible for pink slip
• Excuse he is planning to give his wife for his stupidity
• How to deal with his demented boss and/or subordinates
• His evening adventures

Do you really think he gives a damn to your elevator pitch?

Can elevator pitch ever be successful?

There is only one small probability of a successful elevator pitch.

Make sure that your prospect is alone in the elevator. Wait until the elevator doors are closed. Hold a gun on his head and say “Give me the business, or else…….”

Unfortunately, in all higher probability, you will be in the nearest high security correction facility busily preparing an elevator pitch to the warden, begging pardon.


Ram Mohan

Copyright© Ram Mohan

Written permission from the author is required to copy or reproduce this article

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PS: This is a fictitious humorous article and the characters and situations are my imagination. If it resembles any real life persons or situations, it is purely coincidental.